


SuperDads: Name Day

by EmeraldsAndAmethyst



Category: Ultimate Spider-Man (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Domestic, Babies, Clones, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Family Fluff, How Do I Tag, M/M, Not Beta Read, Spiders, Suspense, Swearing, Yet more fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-11
Updated: 2015-08-18
Packaged: 2018-04-14 03:19:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4548297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmeraldsAndAmethyst/pseuds/EmeraldsAndAmethyst
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SpideyNova Week 4: Domestic AU. </p><p>Sam's other, other job calls (the one with considerably more actual aliens than either dadding it up or being a S.H.E.I.L.D. agent) and Peter is left alone with their kids (that are still his clones, seriously don't ask). Hopefully, this time, there will be fewer (i.e. less than seven) scorch marks on their walls (and ceilings, and floors) when Sam returns this time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> ((I guess I should clarify the kids ages, huh? Kaine is 7 months-ish and May is 14 months-ish in this one. It’s been about a month since the previous ficlet. And yes, May is displaying really advanced speech for her age, I am aware.))

"Try not to raise any Cain for your poor, abused father, _nene_ ," Sam teased, floating down for a quick kiss to the top of their still unnamed baby boy's head. He clapped and smiled, showing off all five of his teeth. Peter sighed in exasperation.

 

"I will think of a name **soon** , that **isn't** Cain. And then what are you two gonna do?" Peter complained. Sam snorted and floated up to Peter for a gentle kiss to his lips. Baby Parker blew a raspberry.

 

"You keep saying that like you think it's gonna happen," Sam said, amused. May held her arms out to her papá.

 

" _Bueya_ , _bueya_ ," she demanded. Sam floated to her and picked her up. She pointed imperiously, "Zoom, _Papá_ , zoom!"

 

Sam kissed her cheek and floated back to Peter.

 

"No kih, _Papá_! _Papá_ zoom!" May complained.

 

"That's because it **will** happen, Bucket Head. You'll come back from your lame galaxy quest and your _arañito_ will be answering to Drake. Or Tobias, or maybe even Andrew, or-"

Sam cut Peter off with another kiss. May let out an angry shriek. Baby joined in with his own, delighted shriek.

 

" _Papá_ no kih Dada! _Papá_ zoom!" May protested. Baby raised his own arms up and gurgled.

 

"Oom oom!"

 

Peter stepped back and shook his head, pretending to be being deeply offended.

 

" _Papá_ fly, _Papá_ zoom, _Papá_ this, _Papá_ that. What about your dear old dad, huh?" Peter threw his forearm to his head dramatically and feigned a swoon. Baby giggled and clapped.

 

"Dada no zoom, _Papá_ zoom," May reasoned. Sam laughed as Peter mimed being shot through the heart. Pretending to collapse slowly Peter 'fell' down next to his son, pouting.

 

"Daaa dada nnnnah! Papaaaapa pa ooooom!"

 

"You too, little man?" Peter said, faux wounded, "You're gonna be a nerd too, you know, and then what will you do?"

 

"Hah, he's gonna be the **coolest** arach-nerd when he gets bigger," Sam said, turning on his back and floating down on baby Parker's other side. Sam feigned great distress as he lifted his daughter up in his arms, "I'm sorry _chiquita_ ,  you've inherited your daddy's major dorkness," Sam turned to his son and shook his head, " _Arañito_. I fear it's terminal."

 

Peter let out a noise of protest, then a squawk as Sam spun over and picked them all up, much to baby and May's delight. Though admittedly, Sam more tossed Peter up in the air and held still while he situated their children. Peter flipped easily and landed lightly on his partner’s back, posing like a surfer before giggling to himself and dropping into a cuddle against Sam’s back.

 

“OK, you convinced me! We’ll zoom before _Papá_ goes to _The Milano_ ,” Sam said brightly.

 

Baby Parker stuck firmly to Sam, in the crook of his arm. May flipped about, sticking with her back to her _papá_ ’s chest and raising her arms in front of her gleefully. Sam put a steadying hand to her, ready to catch her if she fell (or ‘fell’) off.

 

“Are all my web heads ready?” Sam asked with a smile.

 

“Oom! Oom!”

 

“Zoom!”

 

“Mush, Bucket Head, mush!”

 

Sam rolled his eyes and flared out the Nova Force theatrically, wrapping it around his family before ‘zooming’ at a tame pace about their apartment.

 

After a few circuits Sam floated back upright over the play area. Peter flipped over Sam’s head and landed in a crouch in front of him, stretching out his hands to May.

 

“OK, sweetness, daddy’s-” Peter began, May unsticking herself from her _papá_ with a giggle as she fell the short distance into her dad’s arms, “-ready.”

 

May clambered onto Peter’s back and peeked out over his shoulder, giggling. Sam and Peter shared a smile, Peter reaching for his son. Baby Parker remained stuck to Sam’s side for a few stubborn moments, before relenting and reaching his arms out to his dad.

 

“OK, _Papá_ is gonna head out now. And Web Head, cup ramen does not three square meals make,” Sam said.

 

“Ha. Ha,” Peter said dryly.

 

“Wamen, wamen!”

 

“Ahmmm, ahm!”

 

“Go on, Bucket Head, go save the galaxy, shoo,” Peter said, voice rough.

 

Sam flitted across to give his family one final peck each.

 

“You losers be safe,” Sam said gruffly, darting to their fire escape window, opening it and shooting off into the stars in a blue streak.

 

May and baby waved happily as Peter carried them over to the window, pulling it closed with a sigh.

 

“Well, looks like it’s just us spiders tonight,” Peter said aloud.

 

Peter’s communicator beeped a priority tone.

  
“Ah schnitzel.”


	2. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((yes Sam got back fast, because spoilers, sorry, at least one more fic in this au in the pipes)) 
> 
> ((Trapster is technically also a Peter but I’m just gonna stick to Trapster for him, k? K. also i’ve never been to nyc I just use google. If I’ve messed up with some touristy way to get somewhere or describe something, my apologies. Also, also, I figured DBC is basically Fox News so I put DBC’s headquarters in the same place, and if you don’t know, Hawkeye’s Apartment Building is in Bedford-Stuyvesant, probably on Quincy St.))
> 
> There's a couple of swears near the end of this chapter, fyi, sorry for forgetting to tag that earlier.

“Really, Trapster, really, ’Stick around?’ You’ve already used that joke,” Peter said, aggravated.

“Hey, it’s a good joke!” Trapster protested, aiming his adhesive gun towards Spider-Man. Doc Ock was currently distracted by Squirrel Girl.

“Three times!” Peter dodged the adhesive effortlessly. Was Doreen talking computer programming and business with Doc Ock? Weird.

“Yeah well, bite me, bug breath!” Trapper snapped.

“Spiders aren’t- oh, right fly eating joke,” with a thwip and flip Spider-Man landed on the nearby DBC screen, where MJ’s live coverage of their battle was taking place, “Nice, nice, surprisingly not that popular of an insult, now that I think about it,” Peter didn’t have time to read the news ticker, and the angle was all wrong anyways, but MJ’s even voice stopped suddenly, replaced with frenetic whispers to someone off set.

“I’m sorry New York, my assistant anchor Jimmy Wilson will be taking over our live coverage of Spider-Man and Squirrel Girl-”

Dread blossomed in Peter’s gut as he flipped across the street, eyes on the news ticker scrolling across the bottom of the screen, barely registering MJ’s expression of false calm.

“-while I take care of a family emergency. Mary Jane Watson, signing off.”

The camera switched abruptly to her surprised assistant.

“Aw, Red, what’s wrong?” Trapster called to the screen, gloating as the news copter’s spotlight found him. Peter’s comm buzzed, and blinked a text (forwarded from his cell), “Your fancy fiancé finally blew himself up with his crazy dad?”

_Emmy2daJ (21:13) 911 shoot out @ ur apt bldg_

“Maybe ol’ Trapster ’ll pay you- urk!” Trapster’s crude trash talk was interrupted by a sudden, powerful strike to his adhesive tanks, “Wha-” he gasped, shocked and dazed, then made an inarticulate noise of distress as he found himself lifted above Spider-Man’s head.

“Squirrel Girl! Down!” even as Peter barked out the command he pitched Trapster, one handed, at Octavius. Squirrel Girl leapt nimbly away from the now quite stuck together pair of villains.

Doreen let out a huff of frustration and turned around to protest the unneeded interference. Then scratched under her headband in confusion.

Spider-Man was nowhere to be seen.

* * *

Peter was most of the way back to Bedford-Stuyvesant before the initial adrenaline spike had worn off and he thought to check his wrist comm for further messages. He barely slowed his roof jumping to read.

_Emmy2daJ (21:13) omw now_

He didn’t even remember crossing the East River.

_Emmy2daJ (21:15) NYPD says gang activity_

_HariBro (21:15) holy shit man i just saw on the news is everything OK?_

Shit, which bridge did he use, did he get too close to the Navy Yard?

_HariBro (21:16) Pete you there?_

Was there a drone following him even now?

_HariBro (21:16) Pete just a quick K lemme know you’re alright, K?_

He couldn’t tell. His panic was screwing with his Spidey Sense.

_Emmy2daJ (21:17) can’t get any other info, possible shield blackout_

_HariBro (21:17) MJ said she’s on her way, please txt me_

When had he run out of swinging space and started roof running?

_HariBro (21:18) txt me plz pete_

_HariBro (21:18) i’m really worried about you idiots come on man_

Why hadn’t Fury commed him?

_HariBro (21:19) sam isn’t txting back either_

_HariBro (21:19) pete i swear to god man if you forgot your phone again i’m going to kill you_

Why hasn’t anyone at S.H.I.E.L.D. tried to contact him?

_HariBro (21:20) god don’t be dead i’m sorry not funny please be ok_

_Emmy2daJ (21:20) going into subway_

That had been nearly thirty minutes ago, If MJ was taking the D line she’d probably be getting there in fifteen, twenty minutes.

_HariBro (21:21)  you better have forgotten your phone you idiot_

_HariBro (21:21) I’m calling Danny_

He’d be there in… ten, maybe eight.

_HariBro (21:25) asshole’s in kunlun calling Luke_

“I should have let Squirrel Girl handle it.”

_HariBro (21:32) had to leave msg with their secretary_

“Called Cho in on it, he could have helped Doreen.”

_HariBro (21:33) this shit is why i hate superheroes man never fucking there when you really need them_

He slowed down his rooftop parkour just enough to text Harry back.

_me (21:54) Surrey bro I’m ok omw home now no idea watts gong on_

_HariBro (21:54) jesus christ pete_

_HariBro (21:54) took you fucking long enough do you have any idea how gd worried I am?_

A S.H.I.E.L.D. convoy drove past on the street below.

_me (21:54) sorry IM worried 2_

Peter stopped to focus his sense on the convoy, “Mayday, Kaine?” he called loud enough for spider senses to hear inside the vehicles. No response. He hesitated. A new message came in.

_Bird Dog (21:55)  kids are ok I got em_

“Oh thank Christ,” Peter said, nearly collapsing on the roof at the sudden flood of relief. After a moment, he sent a text to Harry.

_me (21:56) Hawkeye says babies r OK, I’m almost there, MJ should be here soon_

Then, a quick one to Mary Jane.

_me (21:56) Clint has the babies I’m almost there grill Barton for me? Gonna take kiddos & sleep for a week_

His wrist comm buzzed with a relieved text from Harry. Then another message from Hawkeye came through.

_Bird Dog (21:57) so you can punch me later but I might have bought the building from some maybe Russian mafia and they might not have been happy about that transaction and in retrospect I probably should have told you that before you moved in but in my defense I didn’t think they’d actually try to do anything to an actual Avenger_

Peter stared at the message. He looked up at the sky. Not really looking, just in complete disbelief at the insanity that was his life. He began typing as he started moving again.

_me (21:58) you will explain everything and I will punch you and then you will explain it all over again, to Sam, and he will leave you on the moon_

Peter turned onto Quincy St. The lights of a lone fire truck and two squad cars lit up the distance.

_me (21:59) after punching you_

_Emmy2daJ (21:59) got reception again, got your message, I’m on it_

S.H.I.E.L.D. had already dismantled their barricade.

_Bird Dog (22:00) ok that’s fair_

_Bird Dog (22:00) we’re out front btw can’t miss us_

_Emmy2daJ (22:00) still have my keys I’ll let myself in when I’m done with Hawkeye_

His enhanced senses picked up his children’s cries.

“Daddy’s here, daddy’s coming, Mayday, Kaine it’s going to be ok, daddy’s coming right now!” once Peter started speaking it was like a dam had burst, and a flood of relieved rambling words escaped, “Daddy’s coming, listen babies, hey listen, I can hear you, you can hear me, sweetlings, I’m almost there, I see you Mayday, with Uncle Hawkeye, and sugarcane are you riding spiders? How are you riding… ok, you know what, not important now, we can figure that out later. Your papá is not gonna believe this. I don’t believe this and I’m seeing it.”

“Dada!”

“Daaaaa!”

Clint, bright purple hearing aids in, armed with his bow and half empty quiver (and wearing pants, thank God) stood talking with the police and firefighters still on site. They all formed a loose perimeter around an unhappy, very spidery baby. Peter dropped down between Hawkeye and his son. May leapt out of Clint’s arms and clung desperately to to her daddy’s back. Kaine screamed and began incomprehensibly berating his father. The spiders skittered away, back to whichever web they had been summoned from. Peter picked baby Kaine up and nuzzled him close, breathing deep.

Spider-Man turned his head to look at Hawkeye.

“Tomorrow. We’re talking. Tonight. Sleep,” Peter said shortly. Clint rubbed the back of his head and gestured at the building.

“I think they might have smashed up some of your stuff before they got stopped, it’s not really baby safe, my loft is a little better,” Clint said. Peter stared at him, though really he could have been making any expression under the mask, his displeasure was clearly conveyed either way.

“Did they get to the nursery?”

“Ah, no? I don’t think so?”

Peter grunted in response and leapt up onto the wall of their apartment building. May clinging easily to his back, Kaine stuck firmly to his front. Climbing around to the nursery window he tapped his wrist comm to a custom digital lock and flung it open. He watched it as it sailed on up, off the hinges and landed with a clatter on the fire escape. From upstairs, Lucky began barking.

“Shit, oh fuck,” Peter groaned, “I mean, sorry! Sorry! My bad! Everything’s OK just your friendly neighborhood idiot, failing at opening his own window.”

Lucky gave a final, irritated bark at Peter’s voice and quieted down.

“Fuck,” May agreed as Peter climbed inside, looking around the room. Some of the drawers had been removed and baby clothes were everywhere, but the only thing breakable was the lamp, and it had been spared. Peter sighed.

“Ffffffffffuh!” Kaine tried. 

“Sam’s gonna kill me,” he moaned to himself.

“Fuck?” May asked, trying out the new word. Peter switched out the lighting bolt marked cartridge from one of his webshooters with a red spider marked one.

“R.I.P. Peter Parker, worst dad on Earth,” he said as he leapt up to the ceiling and webbed the window (now a hole in the wall) closed with the new fluid, “Worse than space outlaws and talking raccoons.”

Peter tapped Kaine’s wrists.

“Hey Kaine, wanna help daddy make a nest?” Peter asked. Kaine gurgled and shot globs of silk onto the ceiling. Peter smiled tiredly at his delight, then realizing he was still fully suited up, he pulled off his mask and flung it on the ground.

Peter started in on a hammock, both babies watching intently. May inched up her dad’s back and started chewing on his longish, still terribly cut hair.

“OK, potty break and then bed, let’s go,” Peter said aloud. Two diaper changes and one potty break later, he was settling his babies into the hammock. The sounds of a very cross godmother verbally tearing into one Clint Barton drifted up through the webbed window frame.

“Right! Now we don’t wanna fall, so we gotta make it cozy!” Peter said, webbing up almost a cocoon, with an opening big enough for him to crawl out of near the top. Kaine ‘helped’ his dad finish the nest with a few more splats of silk.

“Night night, little spiders, daddy ‘s gonna keep you safe, promise,” Peter said drowsily. Kaine curled up in the crook of his arm and May snuggled against his side.

* * *

Peter half woke up to the familiar sound of the Nova Force and an empty nest. Happy baby sounds and the easy chatter of his partner and MJ reached his ears. Yawning widely, he rolled over and buried his head into his arms. Sam was back, babies were safe, explanations and yelling later.

Sleep now.

And maybe sleepy spider babies could convince  _Papá_ to join them in the nest, he’d made just the right amount of room, after all.


	3. Coda

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was not really satisfied with that previous ending so here, have this. I think it ties it up much better. Sorry for any errors I only have my own eyes to edit and also type a lot on my phone.

****

_**coda** _

“Da!”

“Dada!”

“Hey, sleepy! Your coffee ‘s in the cup on the stove,” Sam, as Nova, greeted his ceiling stumbling, half asleep partner.

The sound Peter made in greeting could charitably be called a grunt. His children were also enjoying the ceiling right now, Kaine busy playing the gravity game with his rattle and his Papá. May contentedly playing with some sort of (new) cosmic toy.

“You just missed MJ, she went to meet Harry at the airport.”

Peter mussed Kaine and May’s wispy hair on his way to the life giving, promised coffee. Peter flicked Sam’s helmet as he walked past, he rolled his eyes and shook his head, “He’s getting back early from some big wig meeting for Oscorp SoAm.”

“Emmmmeh mehgaah emgah!”

“ _¡Tia Em juega, Papá juega, Kaine juega! ¡Juega juega!_ ”  

“Sounds like Mayday played some, too, huh?” Peter said, slightly more alert after gulping down half the cup.

“And you would not believe the stupid ass crap Hawkeye and his baby hawk have been doing without us,” Sam added as Peter finished off his tepid coffee and put the mug in the sink.

“Eya. And she’s also just Hawkeye,” Peter corrected, stretching out his arms and arching his back. Sam watched appreciatively.

“She still won’t enroll with SHIELD bee tee dubs,” Sam said. Staying on the ceiling, Peter made his way back over to his family.

“Good for her,” Peter grunted, dropping down into Sam’s lap and giving him a deliberately sloppy kiss. Kaine giggled.

Before it could degenerate into a ‘who can kiss the grossest’ competition, May interrupted, “Dada no.”

Sam chuckled, wrapping his arms around Peter even as Peter pulled back from their kiss.

“Oh, my bad Mayday, did I do it wrong?” Peter asked her, with all seriousness. Kaine blew a raspberry. Sam smirked.

“Uh-huh,” May said with a firm nod.

“OK, like this?” Peter asked, sliding his hands against Sam’s cheeks, resting his forehead against the Nova helmet.

“ _Papá_ , is it ok if I kiss you now?” Peter asked, lips quirking up at the corners with a suppressed smile.

Sam pretended to think it over.

“Well,” he drawled out, smirk approaching truly obnoxious levels, before becoming a softer smile, “Yeah, OK. You can kiss me now.”

Peter leaned in and gave Sam a real, proper kiss. Sam hummed softly as he returned the kiss.

May nodded to herself. Kaine giggled and dropped his rattle, watching it land on the rather barren floor below.

Sam pulled back with a sigh.

“Kaine, you giving your _Papá_ a hard time?” Peter said as he webbed the rattle up from the floor. Kaine shrieked in delight.

“Nah, he’s fine,” Sam said smugly, “and I thought you were gonna pick out a ‘better’ name?”

Peter huffed and glowered back at Sam’s smug expression, “I did pick out a better name. It isn’t ‘Cain’ it’s ‘Kaine’, with a kay ee.”

“Riiiight,” Sam said, sharing his expression of disbelief with Kaine and May, “Misspelled names, such edgy, much wowe.”

“It’s Kaine with a kay ee. I’ve decided,” Peter snapped.

Kaine tried to make a line with his own, natural, webbing. Peter ducked just a smidge too late, Spidey sense failing to register a threat. Large glob of non-self dissolving spider silk now stuck in his hair.

Sam nearly dropped him from laughing.

“Sam!” Peter yelped, leaping down to the floor and running to the bathroom. No mirror. Practically bouncing through the closed bedroom door he leapt onto the wall and looked down at his reflection in the broken pieces of mirror on the floor. He reached up, touching the sticky silk with his gloved hand.

His glove remained stuck, even after he tried to un-stick himself with his powers.

“Saaaaaaaaaaaam!” Peter called.

“Get out of the bedroom, Web Head, it’s not baby safe yet, jeeze,” Sam returned.

Peter sulked out of the room, pulling the door closed with his now bare hand.

At Peter’s dejected expression, on top of the glove now stuck in his hair, Sam barked out another laugh. Kaine and May clapped and giggled along with him.

“OK, OK, OK,” Sam gasped out,”You look ridiculous.”

Peter flopped on the ground below them with a strained whine.

“Hah, well you do! Anyways, don’t worry, I’ll cut it out and we can go get it evened out before the beach this weekend,” Sam said, trying to keep a serious face.

“Beah!” ‘beach’ May said and signed in delight.

“Beeh, behbehbeh!” ‘water’ Kaine babbled and clumsily signed.

“MJ and Harry are really serious about this beach weekend, Webs,” Sam said, “MJ said no super heroing or e-l-s-e, else.”

“ _¡Tia Em!_ ”

“Emmmgah!”

“Fine, but you gotta shave your mustache. I’m not suffering alone,” Peter said with a huff, crossing his arms and frowning up at his partner.

“Seriously, Webs? Seriously,” Sam said, reaching up to touch his upper lip with a pout.

“You look like a bucket creep, Bucket Creep,” Peter sassed back. Sam stuck out his tongue, before darting to catch Kaine as he unstuck himself from the ceiling with a giggle.

May leapt down and landed on Peter’s stomach with a delighted shriek.

“Oof! Mayday!” Peter grunted, catching her as she tried to grab the glove stuck in his hair.

“What is up with the ol’ Spidey Sense today, ugh. Can you land on your own now, sweetie?” Peter wondered aloud. Sam floated back down, Kaine sticking to his chest.

“Yeah, well, your _Papá_ ain’t got a spidey sense, so please don’t give him a heart attack, _chiquita_ ,” Sam said, reaching out to tussle May’s thin hair, “C’mon Mayday, stick to _Papá_ so he can help your daddy with his awful hair.”

May stuck her hands to Sam’s forearm and chattered in barely comprehensible delight about fish, and water, and beaches. Kaine babbled happily back to his sister.

**   
** “Hey! My hair was beautiful!” Peter wailed piteously.

_**-fin-** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tia - aunt  
> juega - play (verb)  
> at least one more fic is planned in this AU: spider family at the beach yay!

**Author's Note:**

> ((I think I’ve gotten the diminutive of araña right, arañito for little spider.  
> May is trying to say vuela which is the familiar imperative of volar (to fly) in Spanish, but children can’t pronounce [l] until around 2-5 years of age or [v] until around 3 at the earliest, so the closest she’s getting is bueya. And they don’t start being able to pronounce [s] until around 2 years, so ‘kih’ instead of kiss. Though I think these studies were all done on English only speaking babies, so, eeeehhh))


End file.
